I Am No Good At Goodbyes

I made it to the other side, friends.

Our July 4th was pretty atypical - we spent the majority of it packing up the remainders of our house. We took a break in the evening to go enjoy America's favorite pastime with my parents, only to realize that the game we were planning to go to was actually an away game. Nice job, dad. So instead we had a very un-American but very good dinner at our favorite German restaurant (complete with German biers, of course).

Saturday morning I was up at 5:15 to enjoy my breakfast and coffee before heading out on my last Portsmouth run. Words can't explain how deeply I feel about running here - lame, but true. The weather was absolutely amazing - breezy, sunny, and mild temperature (I got out early enough that it was in the high 60's the whole time) - perfection. I spent the first mile and a half thinking about how much I didn't want to run, and about the ten thousand moving-related tasks I needed to be doing instead. Something clicked at mile 2 and then the miles just started flying. It was a weird feeling knowing that each step I took in each spot was the last one. Ten miles did not feel like long enough of a goodbye. I thought about slowing down several times, just to make it last longer. It was bittersweet. I cried in the middle and then when it was over. No shame.  


We had more moving and cleaning up to do after my run and we didn't stop until 7pm that night. It felt like we'd never get every last thing out of the house, but we finally did it. And then we handed our renter his key and watched him start to move in some of these things. Then we said a teary goodbye to our first real home, the one we purchased together and lived in the longest, by far. We went to dinner at a fancy restaurant - so fancy we got to decide if we wanted to keep the khaki colored napkins on the table or swap them out for black napkins - for an early anniversary dinner, since we won't be together to celebrate on Thursday. Some yummy food and a bottle of wine later we were ready to pass out!

We had to be up early again Sunday to go to our house one last time to meet the cleaners. While they were doing their thing we walked to breakfast at a restaurant down the street.

We couldn't come up with a reason for why we hadn't been doing this every Sunday? Then it was time for the final walk-through, and time for me to leave.

I had a full-on meltdown over leaving. I have been pretty Stoic about this whole ordeal, so I was surprised. The deal is that our apartment won't be ready until August, but I start class this week so I am subleasing a room for the month. Ben was originally going to drive here with me and spend a couple days helping me get settled, but we decided it would be better for him to stay and take care of our zoo children instead of pawning them off on our parents. When I went to leave, I panicked. I was scared. I have never done anything like this alone and really didn't think I could do it without him. I felt sick to my stomach and the tears just would not. stop. coming. I know Ben would have come with me if I really needed him to, but I think deep down he and I both knew that I didn't. We both knew I'd be proud of the fact that I made it by myself, and I am...even if I did spend the first hour of the drive wanting to throw up. 


Yesterday was full of things that seem insurmountable in the morning, but went better than expected when I looked back on them at the end of the day. I can only hope the same holds true for the rest of this week.

7 comments :

  1. Gah leaving on Saturday does not sound like it was fun :( I would have cried too! I hope this week goes well though!

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  2. What a bittersweet moment for you guys! I'm glad your last day there sounds like it was pretty perfect! And I think it is one of those times when you'll look back and be proud of yourself for making the drive on your own- though I can only imagine how difficult it musth have been! I hope your first week of classes go well!

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  3. You've captured that moment of your life beautifully.. good luck until August :) x

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  4. Life is all about balance and all this horrible feeling stuff will work itself out and be so worth it when you're done with school and everything is back the way it should be ! Keep your chin up girl because you're gonna kick butt and take names !

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  5. Finally finding a groove in a run is one of the best things ever. Best of luck!!

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  6. Such a big change but it sounds like it will be amazing in the long run.

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  7. I feel ya girl. I've made some pretty big moves on my own before and the drive alone is the worst part. So proud of you for makin it though! Plus it won't last :) Thanks for joinin up with the club!

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