Home

I've lived in four different places in my life, currently split my time between two of them, and I still can't find anywhere to call "home."
Blacksburg is my school home. Always has been, always will be. When I quit my job to go back to school 2 years ago, I had a choice between going to a local university or going back to Virginia Tech. I chose the former - it was convenient, it made sense to do so. The day before my first day back in college I went to buy my books and picked up a hoodie with my new school's logo. And then I cried on the way home. It never felt right walking into buildings made of brick instead of Hokie stone, or seeing blue and silver on the walls instead of maroon and orange. Just under a year ago, I made the decision to go back to VT. When I walked into my first class back, I realized I was in same room where the commencement ceremony for my  bachelors degree took place. Since that day, at least during school hours, VT has felt like home.


Portsmouth is home, too. It's family. It's where I first really learned who I am and who I want to be. Our little downtown niche, really just a few-block radius, but that was all we needed. The church where Ben and I got married, the apartment where we started our married life together, and the condo that we purchased and felt like we had finally settled down into a real life, none more than a couple blocks from the other. I taught myself to run on those streets and poured blood, sweat, and tears on them in the process. I tripped over my fair share of antebellum bricks in the sidewalk. I ran with the sun as it rose and set over the river. Going back always feels like a homecoming, like getting back to my roots.


The beach is home. It's where I feel free to just...be Aside from college (Rounds 1 and 2), I've never lived more than 30 minutes from the Atlantic Ocean.  With my toes in the sand and my eyes closed, hearing the waves roll in, the world stops spinning. Even before I get to the ocean, just knowing I'm near the coast is enough. I can feel it in the air, there's something that feels different from anywhere else I've ever been. Maybe that feeling is home.


New York and Boston both feel like home to me too. Even though I can count on two hands the number of days I've spent in each, I've never felt a more overwhelming sense of belonging the way I feel there. I don't know if that means I need to be in a city, or just in the Northeast, or what, but I know that the second I walk out of the subway and onto the street in either one, I feel like I can breathe.



It's a blessing and a curse, having so many places that I could easily call home, feeling such a strong pull to so many spots on the map. Right now I have no choice but to make Blacksburg home, but a year from now, I could go anywhere, do anything. It's exciting and overwhelming knowing that the whole world is out there but that there's a place that's waiting to welcome me home when I'm ready. I don't know where that place is or when I'll get there. Until then, the one thing I know for sure: no matter what we do or where we go, as long as I have my little family, I'll always be home.


14 comments :

  1. aww love this post. i think its both wonderful and awful - like you said, a blessing and a curse - to have a home in various places. i love what you said about the beach, i feel the same. I love Kentucky, and before I moved here I always felt a little off, like a part of me was missing, and that part was the people and stuff in KY.. and then when we went home in June, KC was like 'I've never seen you more comfortable in my life'. It's hard. Really hard. But kinda awesome? Maybe?

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  2. Love this post and I love the changes around here! I think your new name perfectly sums everything up. I also feel at home in many places and feel like I could make anywhere my home. The Prairies are home, but England has also felt like home and now Nova Scotia feels like home. I feel as much at home in the middle of a wheat field as I do with my feet in the Atlantic Ocean. Home is nowhere and everywhere!

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  3. Love this! I have two main places I've considered home - my college town and my hometown. I always swore I would leave my hometown, but then I ended up back there and have a hard time imagining moving too far away.

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  4. ahhh - that's sweet...
    I think its cool you have so many places pulling you to 'home'... so many opportunities to choose from :)

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  5. Oh Tracy. This is such a sweet post.
    Sometimes it's hard to remember that home can be anywhere you are... and there are so many places that can really MEAN something to you, you know? It's really awesome that you've had the chance to spread your wings and move about, and even more awesome that all of those places mean something to you!

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  6. I love the new look and new name! "Home" is such a hard concept to grasp once we start to grow up and life takes us in so many different ways. I think you're so right about it being about the feeling you get when you go somewhere, whether it's because of the people there, or something that just pulls you in and makes you feel alive or comfortable. On a side note, I love that picture of you guys & your booties are so cute!

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  7. I love, love this. I've had dreams of picking up and trying to find "home" somewhere else, but my home is New Jersey. There are various places in New Jersey I could, potentially, in my future call home, but Northeast NJ, the NYC-metro suburbs of NJ, are the only home I've known yet and the only place I'll feel home for a long time. There's something about being from New Jersey that becomes a part of a person's soul.
    I also happen to think that the Northeast/upper Atlantic coast is just about the most perfect place to live—no bias here, nope! ;)—so you can understand why I support your Boston/NY notion! We have the beach here too. And it's pretty spectacular, no matter what Bravo and MTV try to sell you. Just sayin... ;)

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  8. Aw, I love this. I also went to Virginia Tech and Blacksburg will always be home to me. I actually wonder if there is any VT alumni out there who *doesn't* feel this way. I went back to campus this fall and just the feeling of walking across the drillfield brings back a special feeling for me. Enjoy your last year there!

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  9. It's so true - as long as you have family that's all you need to make a place feel like home. VT looks gorgeous, by the way!

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  10. Such a sweet post! I have a few places that I call home as well. I was born right outside of Pittsburgh and where I spend the first 11 years of my life. I then lived outside of St Louis until I was 15. I moved from there to Atlanta, where I stayed for 13 years and now my husband and I have a house in the metro Birmingham area. Alabama is the last place I ever thought I would end up, and yet now...it is home. Home is always where you heart and family are :)

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  11. Ah I loved the end of this :) I've lived in a few places but I definitely consider Northern Virginia home. Blacksburg is my second home and the picture of Burress made me want to be there STAT! I always wonder where else I'll live in my life - it's exciting to think it could be anywhere in the world really!

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  12. I've only lived outside of Oxbow for three of my 27 1/2 years and yet I spent all of three days in NYC and it feels more like home than Oxbow does! I think I've always been meant to be a city person - its just the thought of leaving family behind that scares me the most

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  13. I've only lived outside of Oxbow for three of my 27 1/2 years and yet I spent all of three days in NYC and it feels more like home than Oxbow does! I think I've always been meant to be a city person - its just the thought of leaving family behind that scares me the most

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  14. What a beautiful post! It must be hard having several homes. I lived for 2 years in Barbados and struggled to leave because I loved it so much. A part of me still thinks of that as one of my homes. A part of me thinks I can make Australia home one day but Id miss "home" too much. I feel you. I love that you know that wherever Ben and your little family unit is, is where home will be.

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