If I Blogged

I would probably start off by complaining about the weather. I complain about the heat every year, but this year I'm really serious! It's gotten so muggy that I've had to give up on walking to work. I started taking the Metro and that was going fine, until I got super sweaty just on my 5-minute walk to the station, and then there were delays so I was going to have to stand in on a hot, stuffy platform for six more minutes waiting for my train. I was already a little late to work and annoyed and hot so I just turned around and walked home. I needed a new change of clothes at that point anyway. Ben offered to drive me that day, and now I've given up on Metro. I've been walking about halfway to the closest bike share station where I can find a bike, and changing into real clothes when I get to work. Have I mentioned that summer is the worst?!

I would also tell you that home ownership is the pits. Actually, no, not home ownership. Getting to live in a place with a washer and dryer, where you can paint the walls and nail as many holes as you want and put up tile on the kitchen backsplash...that's awesome. What's not awesome is when you move away and rent it out, and then your renter moves out and you're left paying the bills for a place you haven't lived in in two years. Especially when you also have an apartment, where you do actually live, that costs almost twice as much as your mortgage. 

And I'd tell you that despite those facts, I bought a new bike! I have a tri bike (the ones with the bars on the front that make you kind of look like you're laying down) that I've had for about 3 years, and I really wasn't planning on getting a new one anytime soon, especially since I just bought a new road bike in April. I've never loved my tri bike, but it's a good bike and there's nothing wrong with it. When I got my road bike I instantly fell in love with it - it just felt so effortless to ride, in a way I've never felt on a bike. It was like a light bulb went off, just like I felt when I first started running in Newtons. Seriously, when it hits you, you know!

I loved my new Cervelo so much that I considered putting aero bars on it and ditching my tri bike altogether - not an ideal solution since tri bikes are actually built a little differently than road bikes, but definitely cheaper than getting a new tri bike. I've also been keeping an eye on the Craigslist bike shop, you know, just to see, and last week I found a great deal on basically my dream bike. I felt super guilty (because money) but I couldn't stop thinking about it and was also having serious FOMO. So...now it's mine. I feel like I'm a million years late to the Cervelo party, but I finally get what all the fuss was about.  



I'd tell you that I use my full, hyphenated last name at work and, you know...I don't hate it. I've always used that as my official name and used Ben's name socially, but I'm starting to use my hyphenated name for more things. 

I'd tell you that I'm thinking about cutting my hair, which wouldn't be notable except that I made w vow to myself to not do anything drastic to it for this entire year. My hair doesn't really grow and I've always envied girls with long hair. And I have a round face so I've always thought that the longer my hair is, the longer and skinnier my face looks. Every few years I manage to grow it out to the length it is now and then I end up cutting it before it actually gets long, so this year I told myself I'd try growing it out past this length just to see what happens. But it's so friggin' hot and it doesn't even look good or healthy because that's just the kind of hair I have, so now I don't know what to do. And because #ironmanlife my biggest deciding factor is what length will be easier to manage for working out. I'm also scared because the last time I got it cut was this time last year and it ended up way shorter than I wanted and it was depressing and I honestly didn't know if it would ever get this long again, and it took forever for it to grow out because my hair grows like an inch a year. So now I'm like ugh, all that worrying and time spent trying to get it back to normal and now I'm just going to chop it off again? But also, when an idea pops into my head I usually can't get it out until I act on it (see: new bike), so I'm not sure if I should just cut my hair or work on my impulse control.

I'd tell you that watching the Democratic National Convention last week made me really emotional. I have been in denial about Obama leaving office, and I am going to miss that whole family so much. He's the only person I've ever voted for in a presidential election. I started following him in the beginning of the 2008 primaries. I volunteered on his first campaign. I had a couple doors shut in my face. I championed for him. I remember growing up I would hear adults talk about elections being a choice between the lesser of two evils, and I feel so lucky to have never had to make that choice. It's so bittersweet to have to say goodbye. 


But by the same token, even though I'm not Hillary's biggest fan, I will gladly vote for her. My heart swelled so much watching our first black president endorse our first female president, and I'm grateful to have the opportunity to vote in yet another historic election. Regardless of gender I think she is far and away the obvious choice, but I will be honest and admit that being able to vote a woman into the presidency does sweeten the deal a little bit.

I'd tell you that my confidence about my impending Ironman is lower than ever. It's been pretty rocky lately, but this weekend I went home for a big two days of training and I came back feeling completely defeated. On Saturday I ran 10 miles in the morning (which you wouldn't know from this blog because I can't keep up with workout recaps, so I've been using Instagram as a mini-blog/training log of sorts) and it went as well as I think it could have. In the afternoon I swam a mile and a half in the Chesapeake Bay while it was raining and it was truly the happiest I have been in a long time. 



Then my Sunday started with a 90-mile ride on my new bike, which honestly was kind of a blur and I'm not sure what else to say about it. It took a long time, even longer because our group's stops are outrageously long, and by the time it was over I felt like toast. Then we went into a 4-mile run during which I felt like literal toast in an oven because it was so friggin' hot. The heat index had gotten up to 96 degrees during our ride (and rose to 99 during the run) and we were out on rural roads with no shade except for the occasional, glorious cloud. Seriously, Ben was with me and he made me say, "Thank you, cloud" out loud in between saying, "I can't do this (Ironman). I really can't," and "This is stupid. Why did you let me sign up for this?" It was the hardest thing I've ever done and I know for a fact if it hadn't been for Ben and my dad and teammates I would have given up. If that had been race day I really don't think I would have crossed the finish line.




I'd tell you that life is hard right now. I'd tell you that I've been writing this post for a week, on my phone, because I only have a few minutes here and there to do non-essential tasks. I'd tell you that I'm finishing it on the trainer at 6am. I'd tell you that I love your comments and tell you that I'm sorry it's taking me weeks to respond to them. And I'd tell you that without this linkup I probably wouldn't have gotten anything up anytime soon, so thanks Kristen and Gretch!

10 comments :

  1. my husband rides with the one of the guys who created Cervelo! I'm like, SO WHY DO YOU DOLE OUT SUCH CASH FOR BIKE SHIT WHEN YOU KNOW THAT GUY?! kidding (not really)

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  2. So fun to read a catch-up post of yours!!!! Happy to see you've worked so hard on the bike. I'm sorry your trek to work is so hot and annoying!

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  3. One time I talked to a hair stylist about the whole "round face" thing because my aunts had told me to never get bangs since it would only make my face look rounder. And the hair stylist said, "Don't underestimate the power of a round face." Which I thought was really liberating. The only reason I don't have bangs now is because styling them was a pain and I got tired of seeing pictures where my bangs were askew, or greasy, or just generally unpleasant.

    Sorry life is hard right now! Good luck getting your old place rented again (or sold - whatever you're trying to do with it).

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  4. Look at your pretty bike!! And yay for a swim that made you happy :) I am sure you will do better at the Ironman than you feel right now about it. I totally get you about what you are saying about cutting your hair. I have a rounder face as well and feel that it usually looks skinnier and longer if I keep my hair shoulder length or longer. My hair has been growing a little quicker now with prenatals and stuff but some days the length drives me nuts because I don't really do good with styling it. I always like to tell other people it's just hair and it will grow back...but I have the same inner struggle you do.

    The heat is bullshit and I am so ready for fall/winter it isn't even funny.

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  5. Don't cut your hair. Get it colored or something to satisfy that craving... but as you know, I chopped off 12 inches in January and aside from the good vibes I feel for donating it, I hate that I did that. My hair is at a weird in-between stage right now and I just miss my damn long hair. It's a good thing my hairdresser moved to Texas because she's the only one I ever trusted to cut it short, and hopefully with her absence I won't get that ridiculous idea into my head again. Come back, long hair! (PS, I wasn't lying in DC when I said your hair looked great that night!)

    Cosign your comments on Obama and Clinton 100%. I'm so going to miss the Obamas in the White House but can't wait to see where Barack and Michelle take their efforts next. And oh, the magnitude of this feeling as a feminist and champion of humankind, a woman as a major party nominee! We only had to wait a few centuries, but I'm grateful it's here.

    Congrats and best wishes on the new bike and keep trucking. I know you're strong enough to beat this Ironman thing and whatever holds back your confidence now will soon be a distant memory.

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  6. oh no :( i am sorry you are paying bills for a place you don't live at, that sucks balls.
    yay for new bikes! yes, shelling out money sucks but if it makes you happier and enjoy what your're doing, it's basically priceless. lol.
    as for cutting hair - i think your hair looks fabulous short. short to me is where it is now or a bit shorter. i love long hair on pretty much everyone, but it just doesn't work for some people. like me. my hair gets gross, stringy and lifeless when it's long, and i can't style it, not to mention it actually gets annoying to put it in a ponytail or bun because there is too much of it (and i have super thin, fine hair, so that's weird to say) but i hate when it's so short i can't put it up. anyway gosh i ramble so much it's so annoying. i do have my extensions for when i want long hair, overall i think shorter (like medium length) is the way to go for me and it might be the way for you too you know? hair is hard. but also, your face looks totally fine and great no matter what.
    i can't vote, so i am struggling to have an opinion on all this, but i do like obama, quite a lot. i obviously hate trump for being trump but then also everything he stands for, even without him being obnoxious and annoying and firing people.
    i know it's easy for me to say because i'm on the other side of the computer screen and very much not training for an ironman right now, but you absolutely 100% no doubt in my mind can do this. tell yourself to shut up. you can do it! i know it and i won't argue about it. the weather will calm down soon and it will be nice in time for your race, and weather right now sucks which means training sucks, so when weather is good, training and race will be good. see? think like me. haha. but really, you can do it, i just know it.
    thank you for linking up with us, i truly love seeing what you are up to!

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  7. Hang in there! Training this summer HAS been harder; I'm not sure why! I've felt like I couldn't breath due to the humidity more times than ever in the past. You're not alone!

    Have you tried taking prenatal vitamins to make your hair grow faster? I think it's maybe the folic acid in them. But they make your hair and finger nails grow like crazy!

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  8. sending you lots and lots of light. <3 i wish we could chat about so much of this over a beer- it would be way more fun than my short comment but I am here rooting for you in everything!

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  9. Wow girl I admire you for training so hard !!

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  10. I'm way behind in reading blogs (obviously.) But I really loved this post!

    I'm actually supposed to get my haircut this afternoon. I've been growing it out since about March (which I do every year so I can have it long enough to pull back during the summer!), but part of me really wants to cut it all off again (what I normally do in August) and part of me wants to continue to let it grow. I don't think my hair has been past my shoulders in over 8 years. Every time I try to let it grow, I get SO FRUSTRATED and chop it all off. Ugggggh.

    Also, I'm always weird intrigued by people with hyphenated last names. It's nothing I have ever considered doing because my NO ONE can ever spell/pronounce my name even though it's super easy. I've just automatically assumed I'd get rid of it when I got married. But the closer I get to that point, the more attached I become to my last name! It's a PART of me, man.

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